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01 July 2009 @ 07:30 pm
Everyday I find something to lol about. Not always rofl; but good enough. My slipper still has that bubblegum mark, proving that, with blinded idiocy, I stepped on it. Sigh. Oh well. I'm lethargic and recovering from an 8 hour plane ride, and soothing the forming bruise on my lower back where, unexpectedly, a seat mate buried his kneecap against. It was worthwhile though. Every moment of it. I can't imagine life now, aside from living it because I have to. I do, however, dread the days of returning to work. But I won't quit merely because quitting does not promise a relief from unemployment. I've been reduced to only 30 hours a week. I am satisfied with that.

Now... plans for tomorrow?
Current Location: hoooomehomehome
Current Mood: thankfulthankful
Current Music: shinee tryna do dbsk's mirotic
i dislike having my emotions and feelings impressed upon me. we're both guilty of making assumptions, i will admit, but i'm confused and unsure as to how to make things better. smiling, perhaps? i do enjoy my time here - I DO I DO I DO! i wish to scream that from the very top of my lungs.

i just miss being home.

maybe i wasn't as ready for the unfamiliarities around me like i thought i was. but... i will admit, however, that i did enjoy myself. fully; just as certain as oxygen would enter my lungs and leave it.

seek not for happiness but for contentment. and i am, indeed, very, very content.
21 June 2009 @ 03:51 pm
Title: A Helping Hand
Author: zaijian
Rating: R, I s'pose.
Pairing(s): TOP/Jo Kwon & TOP/GDragon
Summary: Jo Kwon needs a little bit of help with his self-discovery.

There was nothing more annoying than a gay man in denial

Everyone always knew Jo Kwon was gay. Everyone, of course, except for himself.

Being able to perfectly mimic the movements of woman at any available opportunity was a skill that had to be honed over time. And this skill was repeatedly proven with every performance handed to him. It could be considered a talent; but that all depended on who was watching.

Tempo's eyes followed the tautly formed frame, a predator's smirk beginning to form along the edges of his lips. A plan was formulating and he sought to follow through with every step he made shortly behind the unsuspecting male.

The men's bathroom was a perfect start.

It would also serve as the perfect ending, ironically enough.

Jo Kwon would fail to hear the faint clicking noise the door made as it locked.

He would also fail to notice a shadow as it stood closely behind.

"You put on quite a show out there." The hoarse whisper brushed against his earlobe almost sweetly. But it still brought him to release a startled gasp, right hand immediately covering his chest.

His gaze turned to greet the stranger, connecting the face to whomever the voice belonged to. "A-ah... SeungHyun-sshi."

Tempo arched a curious brow, humor briefly flitting along smoky brown eyes. "Why so formal?" The taller man turned to lean further against a tiled wall, minimizing the space between them. "Might as well get accustomed to each other... we're gonna share a stage soon anyway."

A lush bottom lip was worried over for a moment, but a nod was replaced as a quick reply. This time, however, Jo Kwon did hear the rumbling chuckle reverberating from the elder's chest. And yes, this time he also noticed the devilish glint visibly in those taunting eyes locked completely with his. It made him shiver suddenly and he turned away in hopes of hiding the flaming pink heat rising on both cheeks.

Seeing such a response only encouraged worsening behavior.

Tempo decided to test the waters further, bringing his body dangerously close to the thin Wonder Boy. "...But that doesn't have to be the only thing we share." And as always, suggestive words were accompanied with suggestive actions. Although his fingertips were calloused and hardened around the corners, Jo Kwon couldn't help but melt underneath the man's touch.

Resistance went ignored, and the attempts to push the larger figure away was instantly diminished once flesh became branded and exposed all thanks to the unzipping of tight-fitting white pants. Mainly the area which clearly identified his gender.

Jo Kwon felt his knees buckle, bringing him to depend on the other to support his weight. His throat was stripped of a voice which made vocalizing a solid thought practically impossible. Not that he could form a solid thought at the moment, anyway.

Big Bang's trademark rapper worked quickly to enhance an obvious arousal. His palm grazed along the youth's shaft, starting from the base until it reached a needy tip. His neck was bathed in the singer's panting breath, "You're shaking aren't you?" He didn't wait for an answer, since all he received were wordless moans and quiet sighs. "You've always wanted something like this, haven't you? Didn't matter if it were me or some nameless face, just as long as it was someone who had a cock ready to fuck you. Right?"

The only answer he could provide was a more than willing utterance of groans, pushing his hips forward forcefully desperately wanting to get a message across.

"Then what would that make you? ... Well?"

His eyes snapped open, even though his vision was still blurred on the sides. "I-... I'm not..! Aah, Hyung!"

Choi SeungHyun did indeed find the sight mildly amusing and wrapped his fingers further around the pulsating length. "Dropping the informalities wasn't that hard, now was it? No pun intended."

He snickered openly, knowing well that the man was weakened in his hands. "So, then, admit it... and perhaps I'll give you some relief." The gesture was assisted by every lasting stroke which paved over smooth heat.

His body shook terribly against the stronger man, heading further and further into submission. "I.. I'm gay, hyung."

A falsely made curious expression was painted across fine features, his hand increasing in speed and accuracy. "Say that again?"

Being blinded by ecstasy was unknown territory to Jo Kwon, and it was one he longed to feel until his very urges were met.

"I'M GAY! I'm gay, I'm gay, I'm gay..."

He sobbed as the heat rose from the very top of his thighs and barreled through, reaching his spine in deliciously stabbing pangs. His mouth dropped open almost automatically, his eyes rolling backwards towards what felt like the farthest part of his entire cranium. A bare flash of white blocked his vision, while another flash of white blocked Tempo's.

Squinting one eye shut, the elder male chortled in bemusement. "Good aim you have there, don't you?" Reaching into his pocket, Tempo pulled out a fresh handkerchief and wiped his face clean of any bodily fluids that managed to mark him. He released the 2AM member from his grasp, allowing him to slump against the wall besides them before turning towards the door wearing a wicked grin with proud ownership.

"Yo, Ji... you got all of that? Guess I got me a personal porn star tonight."

The door slowly opened to reveal a rather smug looking JiYong holding both a recorder and a key.

"I'M GAY! I'm gay, I'm gay, I'm gay..." Was repeated to remind the poor boy of the unimaginable events which just took place.

Jo Kwon broke out of his dazed thoughts when the Big Bang leader stepped forward from the doorway.

"Sure did, baby. Guess you win after all, huh?" Taking Tempo with both arms around the neck, a dismissive glance was sent in Jo Kwon's direction. "You know... it really isn't as bad as you may think. At least you won't be lying to yourself - which you happen to be a horrible liar, anyway. Ah, and one more thing." Eyes were narrowed viscously at the fresh-faced youth. "If you try for seconds with my man, I'll make it so that you no longer have any damn thing to claim your newfound sexuality with. Got it?"

He watched sluggishly as they began to leave, gaze barely focusing on the figure which was making a straight line for the exit.

"It was fun, 'b... and like I said, I'll be seein' you on that stage sometime."

And for the two departing; the men's bathroom did indeed make for a perfect ending where Jo Kwon was concerned.

But their night was just beginning...
Current Mood: bouncybouncy
25 May 2009 @ 02:38 pm
ah, fuck.

went to the Verizon store earlier on to exchange my phone... well, i lost all of my contacts. yep. all fifty-seven contacts out the fucking drain.

-__- what the hell am i gonna do?
Current Mood: pissed offpissed off
04 April 2009 @ 08:33 pm
So five became four.

I'm down one class and missing two more units, which is fine, all things considered... My ass is getting kicked in Political Science, thus making me wish that I took the feeble-looking thousand-year-old hobbit woman instead of this inspirational campaign victor from years past. Upside: No homework. Downside: Heavy blows to the major examinations ahead. READING IS A MUST! What kind of English major has a dislike for reading? Okayokayokay - let me correct that. I do like to read, but it's a matter of interest and taking the time to fully digest everything as a whole. Firstly - if it's out of my range of interest, there is a minuscule chance that I'll even bother with it altogether. Secondly, arranging the concepts in a linear manner enough for me to understand takes time. Keyword: Time. Who has any of that these days? Seriously!

The usual headache. But I did rather enjoy myself at the Universal Citywalk on March 21st. Watching BoA live was (FOR FREE!) was an awesome - not to mention, an experience that I wouldn't trade for the world.

An introduction...


Yep, that's MY yellow balloon to represent XD~; plus the fugg'handwriting.


So the lovely girl on top came out~



Did her thang...


(Here's one with her braids - as seen on the promotional pictures - done up all nicely.)


All I can say is: You rock those leather pants, babygirl. CAUSE OOOODAMN - LOOK AT 'UM THIGHS!

... and then there was the fan signing afterwards.

D'aahhhwww... she looked SHO cuuuute! (But those dimples can seriously look so severe sometimes XD;) She got on-stage about thirty minutes afterwards, and greeted the people who had the green wristbands. I, unfortunately, was unable to get one because me and my friends arrived to the citywalk too late. But that's all right - in the end, I managed to get an autographed poster of her with the purchase of her CD. Good buy, imo - as long as you're in the mood for upbeat dance-centric songs. And it helps to be a fan, o'course!

One more picture and we'll wrap things up because I feel like I'm over-spamming my own freaking journal. x___X

Photobucket Doot-de-doot!

BoA performed two songs on that day: Eat You Up and her latest release, I Did It For Love. She managed to keep the audience hyped up, with upbeat music and over-complicated dance moves. (Even though I did become slightly enraged a few times when I heard a few passer-byers yell out "BOBA! BOBA!" instead of the name plainly printed out on the banners.) But it did bring a satisfying feeling to see people buy her CD just out of pure interest and attraction to her song and performance. I really think that this is a step up in the right direction for BoA's overall goal. Although I do admit, she does have quite a loooong way to go & definite improvement on her english is absolutely crucial at this point. (For announcing her next song, she asked the audience: "What it is...?" instead of "What is it...?" - albeit, I find her attempt at speaking this foreign language painfully adorable. Gahhhsh.)

In any case, I'll stop with the uploading due to simple reasons. I'm outrageously lazy and want to focus my attention completely on my dalpaengi.

But before I wrap up - I do wish BoA more than the best of luck and encourage her on with her highest endeavors.

Now onto another interesting topic...

Do chickens really have breasts? And if so, what do you suppose they would actually look like? @-@;
Current Location: in my room
Current Mood: contentcontent
Current Music: boa - kissing you
20 March 2009 @ 11:07 pm

Is being able to only concentrate on a person's left eye while they're talking considered - oh, I don't know - strange?
20 March 2009 @ 07:24 pm
Friends are over. I mean real friends. In person. Yeyyyy... my apartment isn't really meant for more than four people at a time, but if those precious bean-lovers can get away with over-stuffing a bachelor pad with a whole generation's worth of family, then I'm sure we'll just be fine.

:] Updating later. This time, I promise.
09 March 2009 @ 04:07 am
I hate waking up and realizing it's Monday. I just got done with last week, dude, what the hell?!

Which leads me to wonder: When is the next legal 3 day weekend? x_x
05 March 2009 @ 05:40 am
Sounds like a really cool ship huh? Nope... it's just my phone. My beat-down raggedy phone. It does the job - not a good one, but it does it nonetheless.

So, the world introduces a brand new day and as the sun is peeking over us like a child in a game of hide-n-go seek (I've always hated that game, btw.) I'm abruptly woken up with the scent of my dad's cologne. Or musk, I should say. I've smelled better garbage trucks of homeless people compared to what my father calls "aromatically pleasing." Smells like piss and horse shit to me.

I will proceed to dump strawberry scented body spray until I reevive my sense of smell properly. Good day!
Mary Anne Evans, more popularly known as George Eliot, was a struggling female writer who took the route of adopting a male pen-name due to public pressure. She was intelligent, of course... but it leads me to wonder about the type of personality I would have if placed in the same position as her. Would I succumb to the overpowering vices of the outright dividing views on gender in society? In ways, subtle and definite alike, our present day carries hints of such separation through action and conversation. But now considering the quote itself and its plentiful richness in meaning; I would take a stabbing guess and assume that the idea centers around "second chances". I believe in second chances, but the third time around leaves room for uncertainty. My past few weeks are a good example. School has consumed more of my energy than I could have possibly imagined. Next fall semester (in 2010 people, not 2009 unfortunately.) I hope to transfer to a full-fledged four year college. I'm already looking through my options and their expectations for proper education, and so that I may also finish up the classes required. I'm currently taking 5 classes: Monday, Wednesday, Fridays are spent with Political Science & Math. Tuesdays and Thursdays are for Speech (Effective Public Speaking. Joy.) and Japanese II. Saturdays are Japanese Conversation and Culture. Then Sundays I have Church and other religion-focused practices. I try to make time between classes and work to focus on my chapter readings, but somehow find myself falling short which isn't anything new... but, still. Here's that continuous, ongoing circle I've warned myself about. It's become first-nature. Oh - and the procrastination! When will that ever end?

Perhaps I do lack more discipline than I gave myself credit for. Great. I've at least improved in some areas, though. I'm more sociable than I used to be... however, that only applies to very limited classes. Math, I guess. But I'm sad to report that she's only there for my mild amusement? Erase that. I haven't improved as well as I thought, either. I take excellent notes, though. Perhaps not legible for anyone else, but the important part is that I can understand and remember the significance of whatever it is I've written. As for absorption part..? Eh, it could be worse. The secondary part to the goal I've mentioned is to stick to the 3.0 GPA I've managed to claim, and hold onto it for all I'm worth. Come Hell or high water - that 3.0 isn't going anywhere if I have any say.

These days my eyes are drooping lower than an old woman's set of saggy fat-packs. (Oh my gosh! Was that politically incorrect? .. Uh. Anyway. Moving on.) By 9 or 10 I'm already feeling the sting of sleepiness. BUT WHY?! I'm only 22 years old! Shouldn't I be the utter epitome of sickening radiance and enviable youth? Nope, not in this case... not at all. My bones keep cracking and I'm suffering exhaustion on disgustingly petty levels. Perhaps it's from the withdrawal of caffeine? Yes, it is true. I have been clean of coffee for over 3 months now. No sodas, energy drinks, iced vanilla/caramel lattes or blended sugary delights originating from coffee beans.


/enddramatics. No, but seriously! That's either an accomplishment worthy of praise or a desperate cry for mental stability. Or maybe I'm just humoring myself to the point of irreversible illness. Being that it's only Tuesday, I have the rest of the week to fly off the seat of my pants in constant bewilderment on what to do next. I'm still hunting for my green folder... it's stuck somewhere beneath the carnage of crap in my room. Or perhaps I've misplaced it entirely, never to be found again. Wouldn't surprise me, though. I've left it plenty of times in the women's bathroom at school - usually in the music building. But then my memory would kick my brain right between the crack and I would stumble back to retrieve it. However, now, I just keep drawing a blank and that seriously scares me. Bone-chilling scary. It HAS to be in my room or in my car, both are in complete wreckage but both have already been searched thoroughly. Thus creating more wreckage in both places. What to do?

... To the Dollar Tree store for paper another folder for the meantime!

Hey, it's the best I can do with the limited amount of funds I have x_x; Spare me, O Great Money God.
Current Location: in my room
Current Mood: sleepysleepy
Current Music: jaejoong - insa