Everyday I find something to lol about. Not always rofl; but good enough. My slipper still has that bubblegum mark, proving that, with blinded idiocy, I stepped on it. Sigh. Oh well. I'm lethargic and recovering from an 8 hour plane ride, and soothing the forming bruise on my lower back where, unexpectedly, a seat mate buried his kneecap against. It was worthwhile though. Every moment of it. I can't imagine life now, aside from living it because I have to. I do, however, dread the days of returning to work. But I won't quit merely because quitting does not promise a relief from unemployment. I've been reduced to only 30 hours a week. I am satisfied with that.


Now... plans for tomorrow?

i dislike having my emotions and feelings impressed upon me. we're both guilty of making assumptions, i will admit, but i'm confused and unsure as to how to make things better. smiling, perhaps? i do enjoy my time here - I DO I DO I DO! i wish to scream that from the very top of my lungs.

i just miss being home.

maybe i wasn't as ready for the unfamiliarities around me like i thought i was. but... i will admit, however, that i did enjoy myself. fully; just as certain as oxygen would enter my lungs and leave it.

seek not for happiness but for contentment. and i am, indeed, very, very content.

Title: A Helping Hand
Author: zaijian
Rating: R, I s'pose.
Pairing(s): TOP/Jo Kwon & TOP/GDragon
Summary: Jo Kwon needs a little bit of help with his self-discovery.





There was nothing more annoying than a gay man in denial

Everyone always knew Jo Kwon was gay. Everyone, of course, except for himself.

Being able to perfectly mimic the movements of woman at any available opportunity was a skill that had to be honed over time. And this skill was repeatedly proven with every performance handed to him. It could be considered a talent; but that all depended on who was watching.

Tempo's eyes followed the tautly formed frame, a predator's smirk beginning to form along the edges of his lips. A plan was formulating and he sought to follow through with every step he made shortly behind the unsuspecting male.

The men's bathroom was a perfect start.

It would also serve as the perfect ending, ironically enough.

Jo Kwon would fail to hear the faint clicking noise the door made as it locked.

He would also fail to notice a shadow as it stood closely behind.

"You put on quite a show out there." The hoarse whisper brushed against his earlobe almost sweetly. But it still brought him to release a startled gasp, right hand immediately covering his chest.

His gaze turned to greet the stranger, connecting the face to whomever the voice belonged to. "A-ah... SeungHyun-sshi."

Tempo arched a curious brow, humor briefly flitting along smoky brown eyes. "Why so formal?" The taller man turned to lean further against a tiled wall, minimizing the space between them. "Might as well get accustomed to each other... we're gonna share a stage soon anyway."

A lush bottom lip was worried over for a moment, but a nod was replaced as a quick reply. This time, however, Jo Kwon did hear the rumbling chuckle reverberating from the elder's chest. And yes, this time he also noticed the devilish glint visibly in those taunting eyes locked completely with his. It made him shiver suddenly and he turned away in hopes of hiding the flaming pink heat rising on both cheeks.

Seeing such a response only encouraged worsening behavior.

Tempo decided to test the waters further, bringing his body dangerously close to the thin Wonder Boy. "...But that doesn't have to be the only thing we share." And as always, suggestive words were accompanied with suggestive actions. Although his fingertips were calloused and hardened around the corners, Jo Kwon couldn't help but melt underneath the man's touch.

Resistance went ignored, and the attempts to push the larger figure away was instantly diminished once flesh became branded and exposed all thanks to the unzipping of tight-fitting white pants. Mainly the area which clearly identified his gender.

Jo Kwon felt his knees buckle, bringing him to depend on the other to support his weight. His throat was stripped of a voice which made vocalizing a solid thought practically impossible. Not that he could form a solid thought at the moment, anyway.

Big Bang's trademark rapper worked quickly to enhance an obvious arousal. His palm grazed along the youth's shaft, starting from the base until it reached a needy tip. His neck was bathed in the singer's panting breath, "You're shaking aren't you?" He didn't wait for an answer, since all he received were wordless moans and quiet sighs. "You've always wanted something like this, haven't you? Didn't matter if it were me or some nameless face, just as long as it was someone who had a cock ready to fuck you. Right?"

The only answer he could provide was a more than willing utterance of groans, pushing his hips forward forcefully desperately wanting to get a message across.

"Then what would that make you? ... Well?"

His eyes snapped open, even though his vision was still blurred on the sides. "I-... I'm not..! Aah, Hyung!"

Choi SeungHyun did indeed find the sight mildly amusing and wrapped his fingers further around the pulsating length. "Dropping the informalities wasn't that hard, now was it? No pun intended."

He snickered openly, knowing well that the man was weakened in his hands. "So, then, admit it... and perhaps I'll give you some relief." The gesture was assisted by every lasting stroke which paved over smooth heat.

His body shook terribly against the stronger man, heading further and further into submission. "I.. I'm gay, hyung."

A falsely made curious expression was painted across fine features, his hand increasing in speed and accuracy. "Say that again?"

Being blinded by ecstasy was unknown territory to Jo Kwon, and it was one he longed to feel until his very urges were met.

"I'M GAY! I'm gay, I'm gay, I'm gay..."

He sobbed as the heat rose from the very top of his thighs and barreled through, reaching his spine in deliciously stabbing pangs. His mouth dropped open almost automatically, his eyes rolling backwards towards what felt like the farthest part of his entire cranium. A bare flash of white blocked his vision, while another flash of white blocked Tempo's.

Squinting one eye shut, the elder male chortled in bemusement. "Good aim you have there, don't you?" Reaching into his pocket, Tempo pulled out a fresh handkerchief and wiped his face clean of any bodily fluids that managed to mark him. He released the 2AM member from his grasp, allowing him to slump against the wall besides them before turning towards the door wearing a wicked grin with proud ownership.

"Yo, Ji... you got all of that? Guess I got me a personal porn star tonight."

The door slowly opened to reveal a rather smug looking JiYong holding both a recorder and a key.

"I'M GAY! I'm gay, I'm gay, I'm gay..." Was repeated to remind the poor boy of the unimaginable events which just took place.

Jo Kwon broke out of his dazed thoughts when the Big Bang leader stepped forward from the doorway.

"Sure did, baby. Guess you win after all, huh?" Taking Tempo with both arms around the neck, a dismissive glance was sent in Jo Kwon's direction. "You know... it really isn't as bad as you may think. At least you won't be lying to yourself - which you happen to be a horrible liar, anyway. Ah, and one more thing." Eyes were narrowed viscously at the fresh-faced youth. "If you try for seconds with my man, I'll make it so that you no longer have any damn thing to claim your newfound sexuality with. Got it?"

He watched sluggishly as they began to leave, gaze barely focusing on the figure which was making a straight line for the exit.

"It was fun, 'b... and like I said, I'll be seein' you on that stage sometime."

And for the two departing; the men's bathroom did indeed make for a perfect ending where Jo Kwon was concerned.

But their night was just beginning...

ah, fuck.

went to the Verizon store earlier on to exchange my phone... well, i lost all of my contacts. yep. all fifty-seven contacts out the fucking drain.

-__- what the hell am i gonna do?

So five became four.

I'm down one class and missing two more units, which is fine, all things considered... My ass is getting kicked in Political Science, thus making me wish that I took the feeble-looking thousand-year-old hobbit woman instead of this inspirational campaign victor from years past. Upside: No homework. Downside: Heavy blows to the major examinations ahead. READING IS A MUST! What kind of English major has a dislike for reading? Okayokayokay - let me correct that. I do like to read, but it's a matter of interest and taking the time to fully digest everything as a whole. Firstly - if it's out of my range of interest, there is a minuscule chance that I'll even bother with it altogether. Secondly, arranging the concepts in a linear manner enough for me to understand takes time. Keyword: Time. Who has any of that these days? Seriously!

The usual headache. But I did rather enjoy myself at the Universal Citywalk on March 21st. Watching BoA live was (FOR FREE!) was an awesome - not to mention, an experience that I wouldn't trade for the world.

An introduction...



Yep, that's MY yellow balloon to represent XD~; plus the fugg'handwriting.



So the lovely girl on top came out~





Did her thang...




(Here's one with her braids - as seen on the promotional pictures - done up all nicely.)



All I can say is: You rock those leather pants, babygirl. CAUSE OOOODAMN - LOOK AT 'UM THIGHS!

... and then there was the fan signing afterwards.



D'aahhhwww... she looked SHO cuuuute! (But those dimples can seriously look so severe sometimes XD;) She got on-stage about thirty minutes afterwards, and greeted the people who had the green wristbands. I, unfortunately, was unable to get one because me and my friends arrived to the citywalk too late. But that's all right - in the end, I managed to get an autographed poster of her with the purchase of her CD. Good buy, imo - as long as you're in the mood for upbeat dance-centric songs. And it helps to be a fan, o'course!

One more picture and we'll wrap things up because I feel like I'm over-spamming my own freaking journal. x___X

Doot-de-doot!

BoA performed two songs on that day: Eat You Up and her latest release, I Did It For Love. She managed to keep the audience hyped up, with upbeat music and over-complicated dance moves. (Even though I did become slightly enraged a few times when I heard a few passer-byers yell out "BOBA! BOBA!" instead of the name plainly printed out on the banners.) But it did bring a satisfying feeling to see people buy her CD just out of pure interest and attraction to her song and performance. I really think that this is a step up in the right direction for BoA's overall goal. Although I do admit, she does have quite a loooong way to go & definite improvement on her english is absolutely crucial at this point. (For announcing her next song, she asked the audience: "What it is...?" instead of "What is it...?" - albeit, I find her attempt at speaking this foreign language painfully adorable. Gahhhsh.)

In any case, I'll stop with the uploading due to simple reasons. I'm outrageously lazy and want to focus my attention completely on my dalpaengi.

But before I wrap up - I do wish BoA more than the best of luck and encourage her on with her highest endeavors.

Now onto another interesting topic...

Do chickens really have breasts? And if so, what do you suppose they would actually look like? @-@;

Umm...

Is being able to only concentrate on a person's left eye while they're talking considered - oh, I don't know - strange?

Friends are over. I mean real friends. In person. Yeyyyy... my apartment isn't really meant for more than four people at a time, but if those precious bean-lovers can get away with over-stuffing a bachelor pad with a whole generation's worth of family, then I'm sure we'll just be fine.


:] Updating later. This time, I promise.

I hate waking up and realizing it's Monday. I just got done with last week, dude, what the hell?!

Which leads me to wonder: When is the next legal 3 day weekend? x_x

Sounds like a really cool ship huh? Nope... it's just my phone. My beat-down raggedy phone. It does the job - not a good one, but it does it nonetheless.

So, the world introduces a brand new day and as the sun is peeking over us like a child in a game of hide-n-go seek (I've always hated that game, btw.) I'm abruptly woken up with the scent of my dad's cologne. Or musk, I should say. I've smelled better garbage trucks of homeless people compared to what my father calls "aromatically pleasing." Smells like piss and horse shit to me.

I will proceed to dump strawberry scented body spray until I reevive my sense of smell properly. Good day!

Mary Anne Evans, more popularly known as George Eliot, was a struggling female writer who took the route of adopting a male pen-name due to public pressure. She was intelligent, of course... but it leads me to wonder about the type of personality I would have if placed in the same position as her. Would I succumb to the overpowering vices of the outright dividing views on gender in society? In ways, subtle and definite alike, our present day carries hints of such separation through action and conversation. But now considering the quote itself and its plentiful richness in meaning; I would take a stabbing guess and assume that the idea centers around "second chances". I believe in second chances, but the third time around leaves room for uncertainty. My past few weeks are a good example. School has consumed more of my energy than I could have possibly imagined. Next fall semester (in 2010 people, not 2009 unfortunately.) I hope to transfer to a full-fledged four year college. I'm already looking through my options and their expectations for proper education, and so that I may also finish up the classes required. I'm currently taking 5 classes: Monday, Wednesday, Fridays are spent with Political Science & Math. Tuesdays and Thursdays are for Speech (Effective Public Speaking. Joy.) and Japanese II. Saturdays are Japanese Conversation and Culture. Then Sundays I have Church and other religion-focused practices. I try to make time between classes and work to focus on my chapter readings, but somehow find myself falling short which isn't anything new... but, still. Here's that continuous, ongoing circle I've warned myself about. It's become first-nature. Oh - and the procrastination! When will that ever end?

Perhaps I do lack more discipline than I gave myself credit for. Great. I've at least improved in some areas, though. I'm more sociable than I used to be... however, that only applies to very limited classes. Math, I guess. But I'm sad to report that she's only there for my mild amusement? Erase that. I haven't improved as well as I thought, either. I take excellent notes, though. Perhaps not legible for anyone else, but the important part is that I can understand and remember the significance of whatever it is I've written. As for absorption part..? Eh, it could be worse. The secondary part to the goal I've mentioned is to stick to the 3.0 GPA I've managed to claim, and hold onto it for all I'm worth. Come Hell or high water - that 3.0 isn't going anywhere if I have any say.

These days my eyes are drooping lower than an old woman's set of saggy fat-packs. (Oh my gosh! Was that politically incorrect? .. Uh. Anyway. Moving on.) By 9 or 10 I'm already feeling the sting of sleepiness. BUT WHY?! I'm only 22 years old! Shouldn't I be the utter epitome of sickening radiance and enviable youth? Nope, not in this case... not at all. My bones keep cracking and I'm suffering exhaustion on disgustingly petty levels. Perhaps it's from the withdrawal of caffeine? Yes, it is true. I have been clean of coffee for over 3 months now. No sodas, energy drinks, iced vanilla/caramel lattes or blended sugary delights originating from coffee beans.

OH GOD WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO?!?

/enddramatics. No, but seriously! That's either an accomplishment worthy of praise or a desperate cry for mental stability. Or maybe I'm just humoring myself to the point of irreversible illness. Being that it's only Tuesday, I have the rest of the week to fly off the seat of my pants in constant bewilderment on what to do next. I'm still hunting for my green folder... it's stuck somewhere beneath the carnage of crap in my room. Or perhaps I've misplaced it entirely, never to be found again. Wouldn't surprise me, though. I've left it plenty of times in the women's bathroom at school - usually in the music building. But then my memory would kick my brain right between the crack and I would stumble back to retrieve it. However, now, I just keep drawing a blank and that seriously scares me. Bone-chilling scary. It HAS to be in my room or in my car, both are in complete wreckage but both have already been searched thoroughly. Thus creating more wreckage in both places. What to do?

... To the Dollar Tree store for paper another folder for the meantime!

Hey, it's the best I can do with the limited amount of funds I have x_x; Spare me, O Great Money God.

I feel my expression through words deteriorating. My length in vocabulary has gone slack. And I've arrived to a degrading point where I can no longer feel any morsel of pride in my writing. Writer's block would be a more merciful description, but alas, that isn't the case. I've hit a mountain which makes Everest look like an ant hill. Simply revolting, isn't it?

Since the oncoming of 2009, my thought processes mainly revolve around work and somewhere after that, I begin to short-circuit. Apparently, my brain has severely sustained damage which only allows me to have thoughts with a duration of only a few minutes at a time. I pray to God that made sense. I haven't shut down... just suffering from a daily amount of post traumatic symptoms everytime I step out of my workplace. Not that I'm ungrateful not to have a job, I just wish I had more time for myself. Nevertheless, with the passing American & Chinese New Years, I would still like to attempt making a few resolutions for myself. Nothing irrational - just practical. For the most part, at least.

First of all, America has had an amazing surge of health-awareness these past few months years. And I must admit - my eating habits are anything but relative to healthy eating. The pounds pack on even quicker after turning 20, and being 22 already, I believe it's time to help prevent any further damage from being done. Not to mention having to suffer from a few depressing details which I shall continue on another time. My focus is to be healthier in even the smallest ways. I'm a firm believer of baby-steps, and with a little dedication and discipline (OhgodIhatethatword.), a little can go a long way... or something like that. My decisions now will most definitely impact my future, so, I guess have to start somewhere. What do I have to lose..?

Balancing a stable academic career and work life. I'm really trying to make school top priority - but since I like having money at a rate higher than minimum wage, I'll have to swallow hard to make this a priority as well. Which means only one thing: Time Management. With that whole load of crap PLUS a Saturday class to top it all off, it looks like I'm going to be a very busy girl starting February 14th. (That's when the semester begins. I'd like to personally thank the Genius with a rifle pointed directly between the eyes for that.) Which makes me wonder if I'll ever have any available time left over for me to sneak my way in to any fandom activity. Sure, I've always laid low and kept a discreet profile - but I don't think it would hurt to share my very rare occasional fangirl tendancies with a few other people. I'm bullocks when it comes to graphics, though. That's been a goal of mine since the summer of '07. XD Guess that's gonna hafta start sometime between now and 2019. But when it comes to fic-writing, I guess I can try joining communities that challenges a writer to put forth their best. Now I'll just have to start my research...

I'm not the type to overwhelm myself anymore, but I also want to try at being a nicer person. I mean: nice. Sarcasm is my ultimate weakness and the first source I usually rely on. So this whole broadening horizons and being more open-minded or whatever is on the To-Do list for sure this time. Promise.

It's past 11 o'clock and I should be heading down for bed. TOMORROW IS GOING TO BE A GOOD DAY.

Oh, btw, did I mention that I'm optimism is also on the list?

my goal is to become well acquainted with inspiration & truly fill the gaps that are greatly lacking.






to the best of my human ability, at least.

I'm left to sit with my thoughts while rotting away in the middle of a computer lab stuck somewhere underneath the grounds of our school library. As the old saying goes: So many things to do, so little time to do it in. By the end of next week, I will be finished with my fall semester - and already I know the sense of dread and relief residing inside me. Heavy sighs seem to come more frequently as the days pass... I wonder if my work would be enough to give me a passing grade. It seems that all I'm hoping for is a passing grade. Not excellence or perfection; just mere satisfaction in knowing that I've done "all right."

Honestly, I'm becoming exhausted with my poor aim. I'm tired of sitting back and watching enviously as others return carrying proud A's. Perhaps I've asked for too much. After all, I am a working student, obviously struggling between the boundaries of my everyday worries. I've become sick with worry. Literally living from paycheck to paycheck, hoping if the combined income between my mother and I would be enough to pay off our daily debts while my father comes off with a free ride from the two of us. (And still has the nerve to complain about it, might I add.) All I can ask for is a sense of stability, focusing only on my goals ahead. I haven't had the chance to do since graduating high school due to the burden of responsibility after both parents were left without a job. Twenty-two isn't such an old age, but already I feel as though time is slipping through my fingers and what I want is at least a chance, just one chance, to be able to concentrate only on school. But there are bills to consider and the prices of classes and books weigh down heavily on my shoulders.

I should be grateful and for the most part, I am... but I can't help but return to regret. Finals are on next week and my job certainly isn't paying any attention to that. My hair is starting to fall out from all this stress, but I can't help but think that it's primarily my fault. I wasted time ignoring my homework to focus on my job, and the same goes for my job when I actually have time to study. It's like experiencing a see-saw, only this time, there are consequences to both sides.

For the moment, I wish I could close my eyes and...

happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to youuuu... happy birthday to you. what can be done to gain control over this excitement i've been feeling? by now, you must have seen my message. just as promised, right? well, take your mini-vacation and by all means enjoy yourself. i suppose i'll play the nerd over on my end and spend the rest of the weekend writing up (or trying to rather, all depending on my sense of focus and concentration.) some fanfictions dedicated only for you. i'll pinch myself every hour on the hour until i get one done. ooooor at least until i break skin, whichever comes first. so yes, please check that out you you-youface. OH! and also a quick preview to my whereabouts on today:




ta-daaa~ part of the chinese gardens in the huntington library/museum/prettydarnniftyplace! i wish verizon didn't resize it to make it smaller. it looks so much cooler on my phone. speaking of which, perhaps they should make it a serious subject to study camera phone photography. XD then again, perhaps i'm just overdoing it myself. it felt great to get out there, and out of my stuffy (and rather rigid) daily routine. i think i have a rash caused by the heat though :/ i often get those because of my skin. but i'll see what i can do about the pinkish color on my cheeks. in any case, i shleepy. i think it's the end for me tonight, before i start sounding more and more like.......................................................

I have a jumble of thoughts brewing in my head that its come to a boiling point. I'm plagued with an aching migraine now, and my temples just won't stop throbbing. I place partial blame on the blaring lights reflecting off the computer screen at work, and the rest on over-thinking. I've been stuck on a problem of mine for quite some time now, building an inner war around whether I should fix the mess I've made or not. Judging from the second person's reaction - I think it's appropriate to say that they're officially pissed off at me from all corners of the universe. And while my initial reaction is to defend myself, I first have to figure out the root of which this problem stemmed from. My vastly known tactlessness did play a decent role. I suppose being solution-oriented would help, but at that option for the moment seems temporarily unavailable. Lucky me, eh? I know I'll find myself an answer one way or another, whether the results come from the remaining goodness of her heart - or a fucking boot print on the middle of my email. Whatever it may be, I suppose the miniscule amount of attention I've been paying has taken another part in my dismissive behavior these days. Simply put: I'm exhausted, and I hardly have energy left to myself. It's been one of those months where curling up in bed and hiding away from the world becomes a beautiful escape. Is it possible? Ha. Highly unlikely. Just a reminder to myself, I'm not eating anyone else's bullshit unless it's made out of rainbows and butterflies.

In other "current" news, my work place has a special power ranger skill of fucking me over. I try to explain one thing and like clockwork - words get twisted up and mentally re-arranged in a matter of five seconds, which leaves me staring at the bottom end of my boss' crap tunnel. I want to say that I don't care, but I get so fucking steamed up about it that if blood could burn then mine would be acid. Pure acid. I tell myself to brush it off but it isn't easy. Then for a second time, I tell myself that it could be worse... to which I, again, answer myself: just wait.

Looking back on my years in highschool, I had promised myself at the end of senior year not to worry and live without regret. I curse and redicule that thought now, and everyone else whose ever uttered such ignorant nonsense. There will always be a time during the course of our life that we regret. Whether it be an action we've committed against ourselves or someone else, a failed relationship, not meeting up to expectations, ect... Because of these short-comings which bring the source of our regret mold and turn us into who we are. Weak or strong, or even somewhere in between the boundaries. We learn from them, of course, just some people take a few of the same tests over again just because we need to. It's our moments that we are the least proud of that builds character. Those shitty specs in our lifetime help paint the whole fucking picture for whatever it's worth - but guess who the painter is? ... Let me say this once, I'm no artist and that's definitely showing so far. But I do appreciate and cherish the moments that come out of the blue every once in awhile. And I don't know where this post is going, aside that it's become one helluva dragged out rant, but I suppose it's yet another reminder to just keep going. Even though it feels like I'm already struggling with the solid slab of mountain faced infront of me, then I better be more prepared for the ones in the future. At this point, I do expect to face worse - and maybe even the good stuff if I'm lucky enough.

For now, all I know is that I can take whatever comes my way.

'Cept for Psychology class. That's just a bitch in heat waiting to roll over on some poor mutha'ucka o____O

After being evicted from my own desk at the Accounts Recievables side due to my change in schedule (and unresolved conflicts amongst co-workers), I've found myself a tiny pocket-sized seat in the corner of the Accounts Recievables department. It came complete with a table and a computer, a few staplers and half a bucket of full of paperclips. After a few days, I've come to discover that those paperclips come mighty handy. Although I'm grateful for the change of scenery, work assignments and people, it's still quite an adjustment that will take time getting used to. Over my whole year of working with Tammy, Marcia and Joelle (and even Steven, though he's already left the company) - I heard stories of their loudness and bothersome behavior, often socializing at times that weren't suitable for others. While I did understand Steven's complaint, I also had to keep in mind his backgrounad and personal preferences. He liked working in silence; listening only to the radio in the background. I, on the other hand, can learn to adjust... one way or another.

Sitting next to Ian has made me realize how small my world really is. At first, I thought it was because of his overpowering personality. Despite being rail-thin and barely three inches taller than me (I'm not that imposing in height, trust me.) his bold, upfront, in-your-face-whether-you-like-it-or-not attitude is hard to ignore. He has a habit of making his presence known and still manages to maintain his work in a highly professional manner. He's done pretty well for a guy that's stuck somewhere in his early 40's. Tbe jokes he makes are usually corny unless they're meant to tease someone else - so in that case, Ian's a pretty big bully. Since my desk practically collides into his office, not only does he treat me like his own personal secretary - but a ready pupil, as well. So far, he's explained the reasoning of economics and has started to delve my mind with further details on the political debate. I've always considered myself somewhat of an independant, not caring for either party. And even though he's an adamant, overzealous democrat raving Obama like the second-coming... he impresses the crucial value of deciding for myself. And he constantly reminds me that not everyone has the same opportunity as I do, so I should start placing things into great consideration and not take them for granted. I see his point and where he's coming from.

He's an oddball that means well, so who knows... I just might enjoy our afternoon conversations that get my brain working even after school hours. And then -- there's Dustin. I don't think I've ever met a Supervisor whose most frequent phrases range between, "I have no idea." ... "I forgot." ... "Go away and don't bother me, okay? [Insert Laugh]." With all due respect, I have an awkward tendancy to misunderstand whatever he's saying and turn 90% of it into something completely different because of his chinese accent. Ian gets his jollies off whenever this happens, though. And yet, he also tends to forget his own accent along the process. If there were more Ian's out there in the world... then God help us all.

Overall, I have nothing to complain about. I'm rather content. School is going relatively well, and at this point, I believe I might have a chance at actually passing all my classes with a decent grade. I need to brush up and push harder with psychology, but daaaamn this woman is absolutely tricky. I'm learning more about life and even more about myself. I hope this continues. Maybe I can gain a deeper appreciation along with the undersanding I plan to attain.

I never killed that spider by the way, and I have no idea where it might be lurking at the moment - if it's even still in my room, for that matter. So, if I suffer from some unknown disease overnight... at least we'll know the answer of where it came from.

... my god today was a waste of a day. got chewed out at work, tossed over to a snobby chinese chiropactor who has more interest in my money than his own actual practice, and to top it off - being dragged into a biblestudy to celebrate "my birthday" with withering, menopausal women. of course it was all a hoax my parents set up, regardless of me warning them that i was already tired and wanted to go home already. they kept saying we'd only stay for an hour. weeeelll - one hour turned into two, and two hours turned into three... and it was then i realized that they completely screwed me over. i have a test in my journalism class tomorrow which i haven't studied for, which is mostly my fault - BUTIDIDFUCKINGTELLTHEM! i was going to study tonight, but that plan also went out the window after spotting this huge brown, jumping spider near my bed. OH HELLLLLLL lkdjfals3oirlksadfjkl.. i hate spiders. i started having a bit of a breakdown infront my parents and they just stared at me like i was possessed with the spirit of stupid. -___- my gah, how am i going to sleep tonight knowing that this eight-legged creature could possibly crawl into any vulnerable orifice and attach its spawn to my organs? maybe i'm overdoing it again BUT GOD DAMN IT I WANT IT GONE! it's lingering somewhere in my drawer next to my bed last i checked TT__TT NEAR MY JAEHO BOOOX. wttffff... nevermind, i have a stick and a slipper ready to attack if i ever see it again tonight.

you're going down, bitchass.

my mom's pointing out my flaws again but mainly having to deal with my anger issues. WELL YEAH- HELLOOOOO... spider near bed + big test tomorrow - does that sound like a winning situation to you? ~___~ i refuse to let this fuck me over upside-down. but in the morning, i'm buying myself an extra large can of Raid and juicin' the shit outta my room, dude. but anyways...

hey, hey, hey - why won't you talk to me? :<?

browsing through the overall collection of, what, ten-fifteen posts... i kinda realized that hey! this journal's been around for a whole year. and though i must apologize for my extensive absences, at least i'm making the attempt to continue what i've started. i guess i need to set standards for myself instead of excuses. i've passed school and work for my main reasons of avoiding posting on a daily (if not monthly) basis. and yeah, even though the day leaves me drained and mostly miserable - i should at least utilize any outlet available to me. so, this little journal's gonna fill in the empty space.

for starters, as of 12 o'clock this morning - i'm officially 22 years old. and within the next hour begins my new year of being such an age. i've tried defining it to a point... but to hell with it. the numbers are getting higher and the goals aren't anywhere within reach. anyway, i'm sad to report that the outcome of this day wasn't the same as the experience last year. but turning 21 was a whole other experience altogether.

the week started out rather normally but by monday and tuesday, it ended up in the pits when my friends began ditching me for other plans they made despite being notified a month beforehand of the birthday dinner i wanted to host. all i wanted was to go around china town, ktown and little tokyo, check out the korean parade that would be taking place - and probably get some dinner. nope. like hell that was gonna happen. so i was moping around work until wednesday. my mom's co-worker and somewhat of a mentor/friend, Ramona, my mom, Jean and a few neighbors that also live in the apartment threw me my first surprise birthday party. needless to say - i was really surprised. Ramona's daughter gave me a purse (which I reaallyyyy really needed.) and Jean ended up surprising me the most with this CUTE little glass box with miniature cut-outs of Jaejoong and Yunho together, next to each other. i now keep it right at my beside near my pillow on my night table.



and yes, it does say "JaeHo Yongwonhi~~" in the middle. i thought that was rather sweet of her to do... and totally unexpected.

as i thought, i knew good things hardly lasted - because the next morning on thursday the 25th, i got rear-ended and i now have to see a chiropractor tomorrow. more updates on how that'll go.

but today was very satisfactory. some of my family was with me, and they're in good health. my parents are are relatively well - but i'm completely thankful to them for all they have done. i know they try, and it really touches my heart. and my mom especially... shedding light even during the most unfortunate situations. but as for the rest of my weekend, i spent in my room mainly because i wasn't able to move - and i was honestly becoming rather nervous and fidgety because of the sudden limits i was restricted to. i wished i could have done more, but i suppose that could be made up for in the weekends to come. perhaps when my body is better, and i stop limping like a war veteran, i can make up for the time that went missing. i think this is good enough for now. i'm being hassled to go to bed anyway, because tomorrow will be my first day back at school since... well, thursday.

so, hello 22 year old me. i hope we like each other better than the last one.

after practically 9 (or was it 10?) months of waiting - damn that's a long time - i guess you can say i've finally returned. i doubt that this is actually a first post, but... be expecting something more detailed soon enough.